People will always disagree on whether a Prince really exists or not, some say he does and they own him, others say he really is fiction and some say he is gay!!
The Twenty First Century would be ok with a gay Prince Charming but I am not as I am single and living in Limerick City.
Last week I decided to try speed dating, even the name makes it sound so impersonal but this is the way modern people (with no extra time) have decided to meet prince’s and in reality all the studies say that when a couple meet it only takes 30 seconds to decide if you are romantically compatible, so given six minutes I can decide the compatibility on his looks and use the other 330 seconds to pick flaws to determine why he’s not my Prince Charming.
But ever the optimist here is my first encounter!!!
I arrived at the venue to a greeting from a host who looks like she is ready to arm wrestle me to the ground to make sure I stay, I am handed a badge with my name and shown to a wooden table with a big number plaque in the center (This is how my Prince Charming will know who I am at the end). The rules are explained to all of us at our lonely tables waiting to be greeted by a sea of faces. We have six minutes to make someone fall in love with us and then the DONG from the bell will tell you that your Prince Charming is on to their next Cinderella!
First up was a boy not barely seventeen with a crooked nose and wearing what can only be described as a suit of sorts, I wonder did his mother dress him and send him here looking for a lonely old woman with money. Needless to say the six minute bell couldn’t come quick enough as the talk of school is years gone by for me and I was wondering whether I could be arrested for even entertaining the knowledge someone may want me to date this BOY!
Once the bell rings I note on my ‘chart’ that this is a NO.
I have thought hard about what to ask in six minutes so I have a list of subjects, Travel, Sports, Films and then the usual i.e., past relationship status (is he still married) and Socializing (so that if I know his ex and am scared I can tick no or if he drinks in a pub near me and may stalk me I am aware).
The second and third men both seem to blur into the distance and then there was HOPE!!
As I sat there for the fourth prince, he took a seat, instantly I felt my cheeks burn as he looked at me and that spark was alight, we talked about everything on my list and just seemed to click till he asked me the last question?
What do you do for a living?
Hugh (what a grown up name) said he worked in business and trying to be funny I retorted that I was much interested in taking up the work of Julia Roberts in the film Pretty Woman. At first glance I saw his face register what I said and I tried to reiterate that I meant ‘hooking up with rich guys as opposed to being a high class call girl’ but the bell had rung before it came out of my mouth and Hugh had taken up residence with a blonde haired beauty sitting opposite me.
The rest of the night was a washout for me, each one came and went but none were like Hugh and even had I got over their uni-brow or facial twitch I knew I would not give these men 4 or 5 hours of my precious time to take me to dinner and try talk me out of my lonely existence (one my mother perpetually tells me everyday will only ever see me lonely with no children, lots of cats and eventually a lonely death) so that he can talk about himself and then expect to get in my pants!
So for this week you can stick a fork in me, I am done!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Perfect Date
Hello Singletons my dating drought ended, so burst out those brollie’s cause I had a blind date.
I have always set my standards high and although few meet them I am not a picky person.
I believe in fairytales and that traditionally love is, Boy meets girls, girl bats eyelids, boy falls in love with girl, girls already loves boy, boy buys huge diamond and both live happily ever after.
Now I wonder where does my story go wrong cause this is yet to happen me!!!
Now I need to not only find my Mr. Right but my Mr. Perfect-for-me in-spite-of-my-high-standards, so reluctantly I agreed to my FIRST blind date!
I was all out of excuses and seemingly washing my hair and pulling my fingernails out just doesn’t cut it after your 25th birthday, when you’re still single.
So I was being open minded about this, about as open as Jodie Marsh’s legs!
Mel, my friend told me about Dan, who is cute, funny, business orientated (I think this was a way of saying he actually had a job) and wanted to meet me after seeing my drunken picture’s in her photo album, (I wondered did he think I was easy, as I am normally not that drunk and waving my legs in the air, looking like some kind of acrobat).
She had railroaded me into this date by passing compliments my way and because I am so utterly lacking in affection I eventually decided to give it a go.
She had screeched loudly at my acceptance and hugged me so tightly I thought a blood vessel in my head might burst. She kept saying she couldn’t believe how perfect a match we were!! I am sure if he was that perfect, I wouldn’t even need to meet him and she could just go ahead and arrange the wedding but I had accepted and this was my fate.
I arrived to dinner dressed to the nines (I was looking rather edible myself) to be greeted by a man that obviously used the whole bottle of hair gel on the 10 remaining hairs on his head. Instantly I tried to back away but I was like a deer caught in the headlights and had to make do with this evening.
To be fair, he was kind and considerate and always spoke so highly…..….. of HIMSELF.
He was one of those people that through out the night he spoke continuously about himself not even stopping for a second to ask a question in my direction. It wasn’t until after the dinner, when he firmly planted his hand on my knee like an unwanted tumor that I just couldn’t take any more. I needed to leave and I needed to do it fast.
I started talking about my imaginary boyfriend whom I actually told him was imaginary and was residing in my subconscious, he looked like Vin Diesel but that I wouldn’t let him out tonight because I was sick of doing both voices. At this Dan has removed his hand and was making an immediate exit from the restaurant.
Blind dates really aren’t much fun unless you enjoy pulling teeth out with pliers.
But worse than that, was the relay from Mel the following day on how Dan had a great time but a) he wasn’t in a relationship frame of mind and b) he was moving to Romania to work for a hospital with rare diseases and didn’t want me to catch anything. Obviously he had told her my ‘boyfriend’ story and for fear of hurting me or asking was it true, she relayed his excuses.
So my advice for Blind Dates are DON’T, ‘Two wrongs don’t make a MR. Right’
So in future when my attached friend tells me she has the perfect guy for me I will refuse and when she rolls her eyes and tuts in annoyance I will tell her….
I am Single, not Terminally ill and I can do this my way and some day I will have a Monsoon (“,)
I have always set my standards high and although few meet them I am not a picky person.
I believe in fairytales and that traditionally love is, Boy meets girls, girl bats eyelids, boy falls in love with girl, girls already loves boy, boy buys huge diamond and both live happily ever after.
Now I wonder where does my story go wrong cause this is yet to happen me!!!
Now I need to not only find my Mr. Right but my Mr. Perfect-for-me in-spite-of-my-high-standards, so reluctantly I agreed to my FIRST blind date!
I was all out of excuses and seemingly washing my hair and pulling my fingernails out just doesn’t cut it after your 25th birthday, when you’re still single.
So I was being open minded about this, about as open as Jodie Marsh’s legs!
Mel, my friend told me about Dan, who is cute, funny, business orientated (I think this was a way of saying he actually had a job) and wanted to meet me after seeing my drunken picture’s in her photo album, (I wondered did he think I was easy, as I am normally not that drunk and waving my legs in the air, looking like some kind of acrobat).
She had railroaded me into this date by passing compliments my way and because I am so utterly lacking in affection I eventually decided to give it a go.
She had screeched loudly at my acceptance and hugged me so tightly I thought a blood vessel in my head might burst. She kept saying she couldn’t believe how perfect a match we were!! I am sure if he was that perfect, I wouldn’t even need to meet him and she could just go ahead and arrange the wedding but I had accepted and this was my fate.
I arrived to dinner dressed to the nines (I was looking rather edible myself) to be greeted by a man that obviously used the whole bottle of hair gel on the 10 remaining hairs on his head. Instantly I tried to back away but I was like a deer caught in the headlights and had to make do with this evening.
To be fair, he was kind and considerate and always spoke so highly…..….. of HIMSELF.
He was one of those people that through out the night he spoke continuously about himself not even stopping for a second to ask a question in my direction. It wasn’t until after the dinner, when he firmly planted his hand on my knee like an unwanted tumor that I just couldn’t take any more. I needed to leave and I needed to do it fast.
I started talking about my imaginary boyfriend whom I actually told him was imaginary and was residing in my subconscious, he looked like Vin Diesel but that I wouldn’t let him out tonight because I was sick of doing both voices. At this Dan has removed his hand and was making an immediate exit from the restaurant.
Blind dates really aren’t much fun unless you enjoy pulling teeth out with pliers.
But worse than that, was the relay from Mel the following day on how Dan had a great time but a) he wasn’t in a relationship frame of mind and b) he was moving to Romania to work for a hospital with rare diseases and didn’t want me to catch anything. Obviously he had told her my ‘boyfriend’ story and for fear of hurting me or asking was it true, she relayed his excuses.
So my advice for Blind Dates are DON’T, ‘Two wrongs don’t make a MR. Right’
So in future when my attached friend tells me she has the perfect guy for me I will refuse and when she rolls her eyes and tuts in annoyance I will tell her….
I am Single, not Terminally ill and I can do this my way and some day I will have a Monsoon (“,)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Ok last night I thought about Christmas and times gone past.
My dad used tell me, 'Each year, put your old loves, regrets, failures and bad memories in a box and throw it away with the christmas tree'. Start every year a fresh is what he meant.
Well this year I plan to shake those boots off and do it, although I will admit, I have been hoarding feelings and memories for a long time so shaking them may be a little harder but here goes....
Step one: I am gonna join a gym (loose 5 stone and I can look like Nicole Ritchie in her heyday) lol
Step Two: I am gonna wash the wasters in my life (you know the ones that latch on and feed from your every move) outta my system. Right off the mark there are 4 on my list (oh god this could be a long list)
Step Three: I am gonna spend more 'me' time.... That means doing things I want to do - Like I really want to learn Sign Language (I don't know why I just do)
Step Four: I am gonna sort out my finances (win the lotto really)
Step Five: I am going to try forgive any person who has hurt me (there is only one person in this world who i can never forgive and God will be her judgment!!
You know I read a book last night, a WHOLE book in 4 hours (pat on the back for me) well this book taught me a lesson and I want to tell it to you:
5 Balls
In it Life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. Every day you keep them all in the air. Then you come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls are made of glass. When dropped, they will probably shatter. So now you have to try juggle them with care!
So when life hands you lemons...... pass the tequilla and get drunk ;)
My dad used tell me, 'Each year, put your old loves, regrets, failures and bad memories in a box and throw it away with the christmas tree'. Start every year a fresh is what he meant.
Well this year I plan to shake those boots off and do it, although I will admit, I have been hoarding feelings and memories for a long time so shaking them may be a little harder but here goes....
Step one: I am gonna join a gym (loose 5 stone and I can look like Nicole Ritchie in her heyday) lol
Step Two: I am gonna wash the wasters in my life (you know the ones that latch on and feed from your every move) outta my system. Right off the mark there are 4 on my list (oh god this could be a long list)
Step Three: I am gonna spend more 'me' time.... That means doing things I want to do - Like I really want to learn Sign Language (I don't know why I just do)
Step Four: I am gonna sort out my finances (win the lotto really)
Step Five: I am going to try forgive any person who has hurt me (there is only one person in this world who i can never forgive and God will be her judgment!!
You know I read a book last night, a WHOLE book in 4 hours (pat on the back for me) well this book taught me a lesson and I want to tell it to you:
5 Balls
In it Life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. Every day you keep them all in the air. Then you come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls are made of glass. When dropped, they will probably shatter. So now you have to try juggle them with care!
So when life hands you lemons...... pass the tequilla and get drunk ;)
Explaination
Hey all, I think I better explain, these stories, they are not just about me. The whole purpose of writing them was to write a funny story about life and love from many perspectives.... I wanted to see if I could do it (obviously not as not everyone thinks I am a looper hahaha)
I just wanted people to enjoy a story and probably relate to parts of it. Each story I put her will be about me, my friends, people I know etc, it will be a mix!!!
I just wanted people to enjoy a story and probably relate to parts of it. Each story I put her will be about me, my friends, people I know etc, it will be a mix!!!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Just the One Please?
Sometimes being a girl is hard, sometimes being a single girl is even harder but aside from trying to find the perfect man, when your single you always have the regret of a past love.
So take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul.
Here I plan to explain to Singletons everywhere, why at 27 years old I am still single and hopelessly looking for love and hopefully I will explain the disasters of having not found him, all the while kissing a million frogs to find my prince!!!
This time last year, 365 days, 12 months, 52 weeks, 8760 hours or 525,600 seconds ago I was in love. This time last year, 364 days, 12 months, 52 weeks, 8736 hours or 524,160 seconds ago I was heart-raped. Well and truly soul destroyingly dumped.
I had been planning a perfect wedding, picked the church, the venue, the band, the flowers, the bridesmaids, their dresses and finally my dress. Oooh that dress, the very look of it made me quiver with excitement, it was neatly placed at the back of my wardrobe for fear he would see because in reality he may run a mile as he had to yet to ‘pop the question’ and all my plans lay neatly in books stacked 15 high.
Every girl will know that when you meet your real love as much as you may like to put your mind on to the stop function, it actually slips 5 gears into overdrive and before you know it your signing your name on random pieces of paper with his surname just curious to see what it would look like!
My date started out like any other and ended like Hurricane Gustav blowing through Limerick in the shape of a mad woman downing shots at every bar and being refused anymore alcohol on the basis I was highly intoxicated and blatantly goading barmen into trying to take my drinks from me.
Hours earlier he had sat me down and before he had a chance to say anything I thought I would put him out of his misery and just say yes. But shock registered on his face like he had been slapped with a wet fish and he backed away trying to explain to a plainly ecstatic me that asking me to marry me wasn’t on his agenda but dumping me was.
Seemingly I had become somewhat of an emotional burden, he actually told me I was causing him ‘mental problems’ as he was sick from thinking if we should be together or not. After screaming and crying and begging ( I am not adverse to admitting this), I decided it was time to go. It was then he bent his head to kiss me, the actual nerve, but the little bit of dignity I did have would not let me kiss the boy who was dumping me.
He had told me I needed to get things into perspective again and maybe catch up on some ‘me’ time (isn’t every day a ‘me’ day when you are single and alone).
I had officially been heart-raped.
This boy had forcefully wormed his way into my un-open heart, he had viciously and enjoyable unloaded his thoughts and caresses into my soul and then he had ripped that very part of me out and left a gaping hole.
While telling my friends over dinner and 15 cocktails about my disaster and the humiliation that had ensued, one piped up to tell me that she never thought he was good enough and she just couldn’t imagine me getting married in Bunratty, Co Shannon, much to her confusion and the laughter of others I actually felt that life wasn’t all that bad.
So this day, 330 days, 11 months, 48 weeks, 7920 hours or 475,200 seconds ago I picked myself up and whistled about life – but not before lots of speculation and retaliation, abuse and therapy, shopping and drinks.
I once heard the saying: Some people think that it’s holding on that makes a person strong but sometimes it’s letting go.
Sadness flies on the wings of time.
So take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul.
Here I plan to explain to Singletons everywhere, why at 27 years old I am still single and hopelessly looking for love and hopefully I will explain the disasters of having not found him, all the while kissing a million frogs to find my prince!!!
This time last year, 365 days, 12 months, 52 weeks, 8760 hours or 525,600 seconds ago I was in love. This time last year, 364 days, 12 months, 52 weeks, 8736 hours or 524,160 seconds ago I was heart-raped. Well and truly soul destroyingly dumped.
I had been planning a perfect wedding, picked the church, the venue, the band, the flowers, the bridesmaids, their dresses and finally my dress. Oooh that dress, the very look of it made me quiver with excitement, it was neatly placed at the back of my wardrobe for fear he would see because in reality he may run a mile as he had to yet to ‘pop the question’ and all my plans lay neatly in books stacked 15 high.
Every girl will know that when you meet your real love as much as you may like to put your mind on to the stop function, it actually slips 5 gears into overdrive and before you know it your signing your name on random pieces of paper with his surname just curious to see what it would look like!
My date started out like any other and ended like Hurricane Gustav blowing through Limerick in the shape of a mad woman downing shots at every bar and being refused anymore alcohol on the basis I was highly intoxicated and blatantly goading barmen into trying to take my drinks from me.
Hours earlier he had sat me down and before he had a chance to say anything I thought I would put him out of his misery and just say yes. But shock registered on his face like he had been slapped with a wet fish and he backed away trying to explain to a plainly ecstatic me that asking me to marry me wasn’t on his agenda but dumping me was.
Seemingly I had become somewhat of an emotional burden, he actually told me I was causing him ‘mental problems’ as he was sick from thinking if we should be together or not. After screaming and crying and begging ( I am not adverse to admitting this), I decided it was time to go. It was then he bent his head to kiss me, the actual nerve, but the little bit of dignity I did have would not let me kiss the boy who was dumping me.
He had told me I needed to get things into perspective again and maybe catch up on some ‘me’ time (isn’t every day a ‘me’ day when you are single and alone).
I had officially been heart-raped.
This boy had forcefully wormed his way into my un-open heart, he had viciously and enjoyable unloaded his thoughts and caresses into my soul and then he had ripped that very part of me out and left a gaping hole.
While telling my friends over dinner and 15 cocktails about my disaster and the humiliation that had ensued, one piped up to tell me that she never thought he was good enough and she just couldn’t imagine me getting married in Bunratty, Co Shannon, much to her confusion and the laughter of others I actually felt that life wasn’t all that bad.
So this day, 330 days, 11 months, 48 weeks, 7920 hours or 475,200 seconds ago I picked myself up and whistled about life – but not before lots of speculation and retaliation, abuse and therapy, shopping and drinks.
I once heard the saying: Some people think that it’s holding on that makes a person strong but sometimes it’s letting go.
Sadness flies on the wings of time.
Ballababe's Story
Ok a few months ago I decided to join a forum and express myself. Now due to the fact that this forum and its people are great, the topics are nearly always the same and can get very biased so to keep things happy on there, I decided to open my own blog, where I can look at the LB Forum and comment and then come on here and rant (not about the topics or people) but I can have my own freedom and expression here. Also I thought I would share some stories of my life with others and see what to do from there. So this is my first time doing this, so I am not sure what to do or expect or if anyone reads this, I am not sure what you need or expect either.
I wanna try make this a place where people can read and have a good laugh at my misfortune - like falling down a flight of stairs in a busy pub and still not managing to drop my drink but managing to end up with my skirt around my tonsils (true story)!
I want anyone and everyone who reads it to have a say if they'd like :)
Also i would like to have not just funny stories but stories that bother me and I want to talk and shout about!
My first post is somewhat a mistake really (actually it will be my 2nd), a few months ago a friend asked me to document in my own words some dating disasters for a piece she was writing.... she didn't write the piece and I got landed with some great stories I wanted to share... so hope you enjoy it :)
I wanna try make this a place where people can read and have a good laugh at my misfortune - like falling down a flight of stairs in a busy pub and still not managing to drop my drink but managing to end up with my skirt around my tonsils (true story)!
I want anyone and everyone who reads it to have a say if they'd like :)
Also i would like to have not just funny stories but stories that bother me and I want to talk and shout about!
My first post is somewhat a mistake really (actually it will be my 2nd), a few months ago a friend asked me to document in my own words some dating disasters for a piece she was writing.... she didn't write the piece and I got landed with some great stories I wanted to share... so hope you enjoy it :)
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