Friend-boy

I have many male friends and recently one transformed from friend to boy and became a friend-boy!

What is this I hear you ask, well each person will have a different name for him and for some it will be total strangers that you continuously see for sexual ramifications but know nothing about, for others it will be ex boyfriends who treated you badly but made you quiver and for people like me it will be the Holy Grail of Stupidity and be a friend who you choose to see in a new light and sleep with!

So I talk to this boy everyday, I tell him my deep dark secrets. He knows which boys I like, when I wax, what makes me happy and what makes me sad, he is my confident, so why change it so I could get frisky on a Friday?

Max was the one I called when I stubbed my toe on my bed and ending up falling on my roasting hot GHD, burning my knee and crying like a two month old waiting to be fed. Needless to say he laughed down the phone and told all the lads at the bar what happened his hysterical friend.
He was also the one I called when my dream wedding was pulled from underneath me and I was dumped and he was the one that threw tequila slammers back my throat while screaming ‘God knows he got off lucky’.
He was the one that was there waiting when I arrived at his door the night my father died, and he was the one that tenderly rubbed my hair till I cried myself to sleep and never once mentioned that I wearing two odd shoes and had mascara on my nose.
He was the one that held my hand when I went to the hospital for tests on a suspicious lump and he was the one that cheered loudly when it turned out to be nothing.
He was the person I aspired all my lovers could be like and he was the one that hurt me most.

Max is gone now.

I loved Max, he was my dear friend and any girl who knows her Gucci from her Gukki will know that you should never mix love with a fun loving friend. Its not that Max never wants to settle down, it’s just that Max never wants to settle with me and I’m ok with that, he was my best friend after all but I stepped over that involuntary border and became a friend with benefits, the only thing I got wrong was that the benefits were the one thing that changed us.

I never wanted to be with Max, I still don’t but Max just doesn’t see it like that.
After our very drunk toss and tumble Max did everything the following morning but pay me, he practically snuck me downstairs in his shared accommodation and marched me outside to a waiting taxi (he didn’t even offer to drive me home incase someone saw), his texts became very straight and less sarcastic incase I read some innuendo of recapturing a forgotten moment.

There are no more funny moments of when I text to tell him I am drunk and dancing in my underwear to Destiny’s Child while holding a curling tongs and pretending to be Beyonce (minus the tan – after the Oprah Winfrey comment), there are no sarcastic texts that tell me I am no longer an old maid and when I hit 30 he’ll gladly marry me. There is only awkward silence (Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk to you again). He rings once a week to ‘catch up’ and show he hasn’t forgotten me, but he speaks of no importance, he doesn’t tell me how some girl arrived at his door after numerous texts and demanded he make an honest woman of her, or how he met a married neighbour who used to change his nappies and now wants to see how ‘big’ his grown!

Those days are gone and I have no one to blame but DRINK (Ok. Ok maybe at a push I could take a little blame myself), you see I don’t want Max as anything more than my friend and I don’t regret what happened but I don’t want it to continuously happen either and without either of us speaking about it we have drifted about as far apart Paul McCartney and Heather Mills.

Now when we meet there are awkward glances, tedious hugs and small talk. I want to shake him and scream I am not in love with him and as he knows me better than anyone he should already know this……But I am afraid of his reaction, because what if he tells me he doesn’t want me as a friend anymore?

I mean having him, as a vague and distant friend is better than not having him at all surely!!
Friends and Boys may make good ‘friends’ or good ‘boys’ but don’t mix the two together, they are about as lethal as mixing Vodka and Mobile Phones – that’s always going to get you in trouble